To the lads.

[Blogging is a funny thing. I waver between two equally false perceptions of the process: on the one hand, I sometimes feel that it is wholly public, and everyone I know is reading everything that goes on there the minute I put it up ~ my life on instantaneous display to the WORLD!!! Aaaaah! (Not true: clearly, most of you have better things to do with your lives... ahahha). On the other hand, I occasionally feel that this is totally private and actually just a cyber-journal. Also, not the case. I think my posts vascillate along this spectrum, going from rather personal, written primarily for myself, to rather public, written for a larger, and possibly nonexistent audience. This is one of the latter.]

To the MEN, BOYS, LADS, GUYS, BLOKES and CHAPS at the University of Edinburgh (Scottish and otherwise): After a month here, one full of both excellent interactions and some that are less excellent (but typically more amusing, thank goodness) my friends and I have some recommendations to make.

• Don't assume that all American girls you meet are from either Miami or LA. I know it will come as a shock to you but....they are not! (Some of us might even be offended...)
• Don't assume that, if a girl stops dancing with you to dance with her (female) friend, that is because she is a lesbian. Really. It is actually possible that she might just not be that interested in you...! Sorry honey.
• If you DO think that the ONLY reason she could POSSIBLY stop dancing with you is because she is into girls, do not ask her if that is the case in a loud, offended, incredulous tone. If she wasn't interested in you before, how do you think you sounding like a homophobic twat will work out for you...? And really, whether she prefers girls or is just letting you down, you are probably interrupting, so that leads me to the next one...
• Do take a hint. Honestly, if its clear we are not that interested, and we say we are going to the bathroom/to find a friend/to make a call, and if we don't come back, it is reasonable to assume that it isn't because we magically got lost on our way back from the toilets (we do have functional senses of direction, thank you very much) but because we didn't want to tell you, "I am not into this, go dance with someone else." That means we don't want you to come find us later and act aggrieved at our abandonment, and that likely we were not mourning your absence. 
• Do strike up conversations. In coffee shops, in clubs, after class, you name it. We are here to get to know the place and its people (meaning you) so we probably will be up for a chat, if you want one. (Three cheers for all the guys who have done so!)
• Do buy girls drinks. :)
• Don't assume that by accepting the drink, she is agreeing to let you get into her pants. Or her "pants."
• Do dance with girls. (Many of you do! It's great! There are so many guys on the dance floor - more than girls! And it will always, always make this girl happy. Huzzah!)
• Do not grab, smack, pinch or otherwise molest a girl's behind, whether you are dancing with her or whether she is just walking by... unless you know her really well, and/or she has given you express permission... (Really boys. This happens waaay too often.)
• Don't be offended if a girl asks you to repeat something. She is probably just as embarrassed to have to ask as you are to have to repeat yourself. (By the way... sorry about that...) Also, because accents are AWESOME, she would probably rather hear you say it mildly unintelligibly than to hear it said in a midwestern American coo, or a Southern twang.
• Do remember that as international students, we all get off on meeting new people - it's why we're here. Sometimes that means as friends, sometimes not... 
• Do offer to walk girls home. :) Assuming you are getting along well, (and she doesn't think you are creepy,) she will likely really appreciate it. 
• If you are an American guy and you meet a girl from your hometown/from your school/who you get along well with, do make friends with her, do hang out with her, but do also remember that if you want to be more than friends, you are working with an extreme disadvantage. It's nothing personal, but the lack of accent is going to make things much more difficult for you... Hahaha

I wanted to make a recommendation based on last night, but... I am at a loss. My very petite flatmate Carly and I went out dancing to the Big Cheese (HAH! So much silliness) and we were dancing ridiculously and singing, loudly and - in my case - poorly, along with the bad '80s music when were were approached by a very tall fellow (6'3" ish, I would guess?). He leaned down, and patted my flatmate's head, and over Britney's confession that oops, she did it again,  he yelled "HOBBITS! YOU ARE HOBBITS!" Now, I am not tall, it's true, but neither am I a hobbit, thank you very much! Neither is Carly, of course, but at barely 5', and no heels, and especially while dancing, she is rather tiny. It was positively hilarious to watch her leaning up to this guy, poking him in the chest in indignation and screaming, "I am NOT a hobbit! You are just FREAKISHLY TALL!" He grinned carelessly, and repeated, "HOBBITS!" gently patting her head again. "GIANT!" she cried in response, then yelped as he lifted her off her feet and up into the air. Her feet were about level with my waist~ this guy really was quite big. And Carly is a little on the small side. The fellow was grinning manically, and poor Carly was half laughing, half yelling, wide eyed and shocked, struggling to get down without being dropped or kicking anyone. Thank goodness she was goodnatured about it, because he was drunk enough that he might not have noticed if she were really upset. He put her down relatively soon, and went back to dancing through the rest of the song and into the middle of "I'm Blue" when apparently he got bored and started hefting Carly up into the air again, roaring with laughter, while Carly wailed "No more no more!" and beat his arms ineffectually with her fists. After he put her down we began to maneuver (completely obviously) through the crowd, just in case he decided to start tossing girls around again. It was honestly hilarious, but ...it was just a very good thing that Carly wasn't upset by it. So, my recommendation would be, I suppose, that if you are going to be ridiculous, do cross your fingers that the girl has a sense of humor.